Reasons to Not - Fear and OCPD
Yesterday I had a job interview. I was excited, but then the OCPD thoughts and the anxiety crept in:
"I should cancel,I don't need a new job. What if I mess up, and they tell my current work?
What if they tell me I'm not cut out for this?
What if I run into them on the street someday, and it's awkward?
My hair is flat, my outfit is cheesy and my nails are chipped...."
You get the idea. A million reasons to not go.
But all those justifications come down to one thing. An emotion. The intellectual mind, analytical and obsessive, comes out in me as paralyzing. If I let it.
The emotion was covered up by the obsessive thoughts. To tap into the emotion is to realize the root of my anxiety and helps to overcome it.
I was afraid of the interview. Afraid of failure, or of change. So my mind was playing with my OCPD to mask it. Once I realized I was really just afraid, it became easy to be more rational, and to accept my fear and deal with it.
I found a million reasons not to go, but one good one to push though. Fighting the fear, and winning, is always a good thing.
My comfort zone was stretched, but I got though it. For a good article on pushing though the fear, check out this Mind Publications article.