Unsend, Unfriend, Undo - OCPD and Regret

Clicking is too easy. A simple click on a "Send" button or a "Friend" request can send me into a spiral of second guessing and regret. In a online sphere of connection, my social anxiety and controlling OCPD can make it hard to brush off mistakes.

An ex who is now my "friend"? Should I respond to his message? Or not? Too late once the button is clicked....

How many times have I wanted to take back a email because it wasn't "right"? And its not just Facebook stalking and late night bravery toward former flames.

Applying for jobs online is equally fraught. I can't even say how many times I've sent a resume and cover letter, only to discover seconds later it contained a small mistake. But everyone does these little things. It's my mental reaction that makes it unbearable.

I feel so anxious and can't stop wishing and searching for a way to "take it back". I become a failure in my own mind. Time and technology has pulled the situation out of my control. Again and again I play out scenarios and outcomes, searching for a way to justify or make right. But in the end, only time makes my cycle of regret face.

Sometimes, there is no undo.

1 comment:

  1. Finally...someone who is just like me. Thanks for your blog. I just found it and I will definitely be going back and reading as far back as I can. Isn't that act in itself an act of OCPD? One blog entry is not enough...I must read them ALL...like alphabetizing CD's that I may or may not keep, but they have to be alphabetized before I can move on to the actual decision-making task. *sigh* Anyway, thanks again! It helps to read about someone else's thoughts and feelings and realizing mine are not so singular.