Clicking is too easy. A simple click on a "Send" button or a "Friend" request can send me into a spiral of second guessing and regret. In a online sphere of connection, my social anxiety and controlling OCPD can make it hard to brush off mistakes.
An ex who is now my "friend"? Should I respond to his message? Or not? Too late once the button is clicked....
How many times have I wanted to take back a email because it wasn't "right"? And its not just Facebook stalking and late night bravery toward former flames.
Applying for jobs online is equally fraught. I can't even say how many times I've sent a resume and cover letter, only to discover seconds later it contained a small mistake. But everyone does these little things. It's my mental reaction that makes it unbearable.
I feel so anxious and can't stop wishing and searching for a way to "take it back". I become a failure in my own mind. Time and technology has pulled the situation out of my control. Again and again I play out scenarios and outcomes, searching for a way to justify or make right. But in the end, only time makes my cycle of regret face.
Sometimes, there is no undo.
Finally...someone who is just like me. Thanks for your blog. I just found it and I will definitely be going back and reading as far back as I can. Isn't that act in itself an act of OCPD? One blog entry is not enough...I must read them ALL...like alphabetizing CD's that I may or may not keep, but they have to be alphabetized before I can move on to the actual decision-making task. *sigh* Anyway, thanks again! It helps to read about someone else's thoughts and feelings and realizing mine are not so singular.
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