Thinking and Shopping on Auto Pilot - OCPD and Obsession

Yesterday, the real heat wave of summer hit the East Coast, and with in a whole new line up of wardrobe options. Summer is the time of sweaty walks to work, followed by evening events with my fiance. Long days and nights with too little sleep.

So I find myself donning cute outfits I haven't seen in a year- dresses, skirts, and tanks. I pack up a purse with as many essentials as I can without throwing out my spine. And I set off for my day.

But it seems no matter how prepared I am or together I look - there is always something missing! I find myself obsessing on that one little missing thing - a safety pin to keep my blouse buttoned, some glue for a flappy part of my purse, body spray, hair spray or breath mints.

And so, obsessing pushes me up from my desk to the drug store or deli. It's like I go on auto pilot just thinking of that one thing- and I end up acting out the obession.

Yes, I can usually live without whatever "thing" I simply must have. But I can't seem to think or work until its taken care of.

There are two things that allow me to be myself again and stop the fixation. The first is simply go get it. Get it, and get on with the day.

But then I make this a habit, and feed into the part of myself that can't get things go.

The second option is to stop the auto pilot from taking over. It takes some repetition, but if I think thought how bad I really need that body spray, I start to realize its just a placeholder. The items take on meaning and push my thoughts around because i let them. Sometimes its like my obsessions just need a place to go.

But I can stop the channel. It's hard, but I can press pause on the auto pilot that drives me to that checkout line at the drug store. Because I really don't think my desk at work can fit any more nail files, safety pins, hair ties, or lotions!

1 comment:

  1. OMG I so do this. It's like if my grocery list (which always has other "stuff" on it) isn't complete, I can't SLEEP.

    Usually have to give myself a firm talking to, remind myself that I will not *die* without whatever object is on the list. And just because it is on the list doesn't mean I HAVE to purchase it. It can wait.