Tugging at the Flaws - Perfection and OCPD
The other morning I felt it creep up on me.
It was passover, and i was seeing a lot of family. People I dont see often. I wanted to make a good- no make that great- impression. I had bought a sweater, soft and lacy, to wear to the occasion. I picked out my skirt the night before. I set my alarm for early morning, ready to go.
Then, that morning, i noticed a thread sticking out of my sweater, still unworn. I could have let it go. Maybe they wouldn't notice. But
I would, and I might try to fix it at work, and that could end badly.
Better to fix it now..
Well, the pulled thread left a hole that grew everytime I unbuttoned it. I could have smacked myself. I knew this would happen. I let my obession with perfection unwravel it all.
I had other sweaters, other outfits. I made it work. But I kept thinking how when we pull and tug at that tiny flaw, we can make a gaping hole.
In the end, my family wanted to see me, not a sweater. it was my mind that turned that little stich into a sticking point that thretened to ruin my morning and my whole day.
Sometimes the OCPD person just has to pull the thread, hole or no hole. Because, in my all or nothing thinking, a little fray is as bad as a giant tear.
But I need to be consious, to pause before my blind drive for perfection compels me to "fix" things.
Sometimes, the little flaws arent so bad as the fix.