I am in a group that learns Dialectacal Behavior Therapy skills, and the other girls there always offer insights into my own life as they share how their week went.
One girl is trying to work as a massage therapist, but lacks the self esteem to approach people and offer her services. She kept remarking how she is too nervous, and has to clench her fists and psych herself up to even mention that she has this great service to offer them. Part of her problem was the fee: She didn't see herself as worth the $150 a hour for massage. But this is a totally normal fee, and she is certified. She always ended up back off, or discounting - the massage equivalent of desperation.
She said no matter how friendly she tries to be, its like people see her anxiety coming though. It puts them off, and she is left with no massage business.
My rational mind wanted to tell her "Well just get some courage, a makeover, and go at it! You are way to sniveling and apologetic even now, no wonder they are put off!"
Of course its not my place to say this, but inside I judged her. Then I stepped back, and saw myself in such a similar place.
I always don't want to "impose" on people, I feel I'm not "worth" others time and effort, and I can be a totally pushover when planning events at work or with friends. Do I come across as spineless and nervous?
Sometimes we need to see ourselves in others to realize some things. I wanted to thank the girl after class, and say how similar I felt sometimes. But... I didn't want to impose.
Maybe next class, armed with the self-knowalge that I need to step up into my own confidence, I'll say "Hello" without my teeth clenched in anxiety.
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