This is from a forum post I found, excepted from a book: TOO PERFECT -- When Being in Control Gets Out of Control, Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeannette De Wyze; Clarkson Potter, 1992, 208 pp.
The Myth of Control
One characteristic is a tendency to think in extremes. All or nothing. To yield to another person once may feel like humiliating total capitulation. To tell one lie, break one appointment, shed one tear… is a frightening precedent. (16)
There may be a need to control others, to rigidly insist on one’s own way. (21) They may control others by striving to make people think well of them, always, to leave no room for criticism. (22)
“Subtly manipulative control games are another way in which obsessives strive to assert their power over others. Such power plays whisper: ‘I’ve got the upper hand here. I decide whether or not we will interact. And if we do, I decide the beginning, ending, and content of those interactions.’” (25)
Self-control, “fashioned in childhood as protection, it has become life-constricting…a source of pride that they’re terrified of jeopardizing.” “That fear is one of the reasons why change is particularly difficult for obsessives….” (36)
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