I am in a relationship, and it often falls on me to plan our "date nights" where we see a movie, performance or a art event. We both have high standards, and even though I see "perfectionism" as part of the OCPD, I still feel anxiety about planning our "fun" dates.
What if the movie is bad? What if our seats are too close? What if the show is sold out, the art is lame, the performance is a dud?
This does happen of course. Some shows are just...well bad. My struggle is that I feel that it is my personal failure for choosing a terrible date, and I get angry. Not yelling or bubbling over into hateful speech. It is a simmering self-loathing, that is fed by the heat of my internal dialog.
Fail...fail...fail.
This, needless to say, puts a damper on date night. My partner gleefully mocks the show, and continues on with our night. I end up living in regret and resentment at my "bad" choice.
I have been trying to find the lesson in even the most dismal night out, and to make sure at the end of the night, no matter what happened, that I can crack a smile about it and give my own internal critics the night off.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteSharing perfectionist traits, I'm coming to see how this affects various spheres of life eg. how I view myself, relationships, work. Could it be useful to graph categorize your biog into categories like these, making it easy to find posts in those categories? What do you reckon? I'm really interested in hearing how Ocpd affects your relations with your boyfriend, and your work, etc. Keep writing!
Why don't both of you decide what to do for date nights? That way, you won't feel like all the responsibility is on you.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, you could give him there options and then together you pick what you want to do.
Would that help?