A New Kind of Strong - Discipline and OCPD
What is strength? I used to think it was about showing a solid front, having it all together without any cracks of doubt or fear.
But that doesn't seem to be possible! So can I redefine strength as something more useful to my life, and more conducive to my mental state?
I am thinking about self discipline -strength of the mind. I was to challenge myself to make thoughtful and disciplined choices, rather than acting out of habit or fear.
Example- sometimes when I do yoga at home, I get distracted by obsessions. For example, staring down at my bare toes is torture. All I can see is cracked nail polish, callouses that need a good go with the pumice stone.
When it got back, I used to stop my routine to give into my anxiety. I would re-paint my toes right then, or grab the pumice for a quick file. Why couldn't it wait? It could - I just didn't discipline my behavior, I didn't focus my mind of what was important in the moment. I lost my flow.
Now, I stop myself. It's hard! The thought to give in to the anxiety habit is so strong. But when I don't give in, when I stay present and focused, I prove that I am stronger.
This can happen any time distraction exists- which is pretty much always. How I deal with the triggering bombardment is the key. Staying focused in my mental world, and making the choice to keep on my given task is a kind of strength that can be cultivated. Its the kind of strength that cab that get me though my yoga, and my whole day with a lot less scattered behavior.