Letting the Boxes Pile Up - Moving with OCPD
I am moving, which is a total nightmare situation for anyone with even a hint of anxiety. I've hired movers, but its up to me to pack up everything in my apartment. I started last week, and have felt that I just want it to be done. Over. Taken care of. Controlled.
It's hard to go out, go to yoga, or even go to work when all I can think of is my "to pack" list. I can't really pack everything until the day before, but I've started on what I can. This makes my worry manageable. "Look!" I can tell my task master mind "I've got the whole living room packed! Only the closet to go!"
But then there is the other problem - Living with the boxes.
They are piled all around my place. The walls are bare. It feels cluttered, claustrophobic and messy. I want the boxes out, unpacked in my new place! I try to keep the boxes neat, but there is no disguising the fact that this is a place in transition.
I just have to live with the mess, exist with the box piles. The alternative was to save ALL my packing for the day before, something my "To Do", results driven personality would never tolerate.
So I am living in the mess. Trying to be ok with "unfinished". Calming myself with the impermanence of this "boxy" state. Everything is changing, and this mess is a part of that. Transition is all there really ever is anyway. 2 more days in this space, 2 days of a unresolved mess.
And if I can use this as a opportunity to be OK with things that are cluttered, and messy? I have a whole life to enjoy a little less anxiety.