Knowing Where The Box Ends -Saying No and OCPD
As I posted about last week, I moved this weekend. So many boxes, bags, cases and tape!
The move was scheduled 9am on Sunday. It was Sat. night. I still have packing to do... but my friend texts me, asking to meet up.
To say I was anxious would be a tremendous understatement. All that day, I was racked this thoughts of how much more I had to do, then the cleaning, the garbage collecting - and oh, dont forget the unpacking once Phase 1 is complete.
I was future projecting like crazy, the my future was covered in cardboard and tape.
So part of me wanted to jump to run and meet my friend. But I stopped. I pictured myself trying to sip wine and have fun. Was this possible tonight? Where would my mind be? What did I really want?
I couldn't feel like I would be fun to be around, not tonight, not when my head was already deep into my task list.
So I declined, and I totally miss her, and kinda wish I went. But you know, I'm pretty proud I was able to "say no" for my own sanity.
I took that night to finish up more packing, and made plans with my friend for next weekend.
Sometimes saying "no" is needed. But its through honestly looking at my own needs that I was able to. Getting wine with a friend isn't a "to do" list item. It's a want to do. So that means knowing what I want, something that can be tricky when compulsion sets in.
I think the more I say "no" or "yes" rather than just "doing" it all, the more the boundaries of my self are formed. Getting to what I want, my walls, my needs, my own self is packed up in a box, ready to move into a future.