Like a lot of people, I rely on a mental checklist of "Things to get done" every day. Partly its just nessesity - there are errand to get done, and a list helpes me to feel like its more managable. But when I start to create things to do, even when I have no time to do them, I run into problems. I find myself wanting to create items on my checklist of "to do" just to have them there.
Why?
I think I love that "Done!" feeling. The more I can get done, the more "Right" I feel. I push myself, and feel good finishing all my errands, plus cleaning my office, plus brushing the dog... plus plus plus.
Well, there is no way the plus can go one forever, because time runs out. Why am I filling my daily list until it overflows?
I have to realize checking off "Accomplishments" isn't what makes me happy. Yes, I need to get errands done but my self estem and mental state shouldn't be all wrapped up in it. I can't beat myself up if I don't get all my "pluses" done. The dog can wait to be brushed! I talk myself down until I really feel its no biggie.
If I don't let the to do list make me feel bad, I can't let my happiness get bundled with it either. Getting things done, being efficient, being "perfect" at tasks- these are addictive. It's a easy prop for a good mood. But it's not deep or content. I can feel proud if I manage to juggle it all but its not everything. Deep down, I know no matter how many checks are filled in on my to do list, they don't add up to a fufilled life.
I do that too and I am not OCPD but it keeps me focused and gives me a sense of accomplishment.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have seen your blog. You have done a great job expressing what OCPD is like!
My husband is OCPD and have tried to understand OCPD the best that I can so I can protect myself and try to help him.
Keep up the great work!
Thanks so much, I'm glad you find it helpfull! I think a lot of people like to live based on "tasks", and while this is ok sometimes, it can also totally block joy!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your husband, relationships even without OCPD are hard work. Hope you keep reading :)