Yesterday I felt the cloud. I've felt it before when I "messed up" or when I couldn't get what I wanted. My workout was interrupted. I ate too much pasta. I can't check a mirror. My outfit is terrible...
All these bring on a cloud of negativity that makes my whole life look dark and grey. But I never realized just how wide the cloud spreads. It's not just that one moment of "failure" to be perfect.
My whole projected future starts to feel terribly overwhelming.
After eating mexican food last night, and feeling it wasn't "right" or "perfect" the cloud came. The whole night looked like crap. I was pissed. I didn't want to meet my boyfriend. And thinking about work the next day seemed terrible. And the rest of the weekend? One big blog of anxiety inducing tasks I would fail at.
I had to take a step back. Before dinner, I was excited for the weekend. But now? Just depressed and angry. I had to recognize my fear and anger over one "out of control" moment was tainting everything. There was nothing logical.
Realizing this didn't make my emotions switch in an instant. But it gave me power to recognize the powerful effect of my "failure cloud" on my mood, and then my behavior. I had to watch myself all night that I didn't snap, and I tried to cultivate positivity.
It took work, but when I woke up today the cloud was gone, and I was able to take control of my emotions back.