Wisdom Teeth and my OCPD

Yesterday I got my wisdom teeth pulled (yes I kept them). I was dreading it, but the constant pain in my gums the past month let me know it was time.

I was sitting in the doctors office and was so nervous. I was chewing gum like it was my last piece in this lifetime, knowing I wouldn't get any of my beloved breath freshner for at least a week. Time ticked by as I waited for the doctor. Nerves building. I started to primp. I pulled out my mirror, started to look at make-up. Then, the doctor emerged, saw my primping and smiled.

God, now I look like a vain nutjob. Well he saw I'm on Zoloft on my chart...

I found it super hard to relax, and they had to crank the gas. But they came out!Now, post-op, I find myself obsessing about recovering without getting dry socket or other issues. I googled every combination of words to find the most information on recovery. I am stockpiling lowfat yogurt. I am reading about homeopathic remedies.

Maybe my obsession, my OCPD, can actually help me in this case! As long as I don't stress out, I think I'm just (over) prepared. It's like brushing teeth is great, but for someone with OCD, stopping before it harms your gums is key! A quick meditation, along with a painkiller for the throbbing teeth, is there to relax me if I take it too far.

I found this post on eating disorder recovery and wisdom teeth in my google quest, and it deals with obsessing about food and face swelling after getting teeth yanked. It's very positive, and full of advice on how to keep from losing weight and deal with body image while your mouth hurts. It's good to know I'm not along in coping with medical and physiological issues intersecting!

The Cloud

Yesterday I felt the cloud. I've felt it before when I "messed up" or when I couldn't get what I wanted. My workout was interrupted. I ate too much pasta. I can't check a mirror. My outfit is terrible...

All these bring on a cloud of negativity that makes my whole life look dark and grey. But I never realized just how wide the cloud spreads. It's not just that one moment of "failure" to be perfect.
My whole projected future starts to feel terribly overwhelming.

After eating mexican food last night, and feeling it wasn't "right" or "perfect" the cloud came. The whole night looked like crap. I was pissed. I didn't want to meet my boyfriend. And thinking about work the next day seemed terrible. And the rest of the weekend? One big blog of anxiety inducing tasks I would fail at.

I had to take a step back. Before dinner, I was excited for the weekend. But now? Just depressed and angry. I had to recognize my fear and anger over one "out of control" moment was tainting everything. There was nothing logical.

Realizing this didn't make my emotions switch in an instant. But it gave me power to recognize the powerful effect of my "failure cloud" on my mood, and then my behavior. I had to watch myself all night that I didn't snap, and I tried to cultivate positivity.

It took work, but when I woke up today the cloud was gone, and I was able to take control of my emotions back.

Link Exchange

I started a Blog Carnival link exchange to get some more interesting thoughts on living with OCPD. It's called Fighting Obsession , and you can read and submit here . Enjoy!

First something a bit light...

Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane's Humor Blog.

Then we have a poem for anyone dealing with phobia or fear..

Elisha Webster Emerson presents H1N1 ---A Spooky Poem posted at My Inconvenient Body.

That's is!. Want to share your own posts? Submit your blog article to the next edition of Fighting Obsession carnival using our carnival submission form . Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.